• Yukiko Sakata

The Alternative Of Revenging a.k.a. Forgiving

For anyone who can't let go and can't stop planning to revenge.

<The Benefit >

Once you forgive something done from someone or whatever you believe that you have been “done” by other people, you will get clearer visions about the overall situations and the ways to get escalated up to the higher level of understanding that will then lead you to live a better life. The best revenge is to enjoy your life. Here is how to have your love outweighing anything you can’t help getting angry at.

<The Pitfall>

Even if we love to forgive, we can't for the fear. We don't want let the same thing happen to us, either. Here is the sample of what can be going on in yourself when you are angry and trying to forgive and let go without taking the proper steps.

What upsets you usually is deeply related to something you feel unfair about. You feel unfair because you believe that what the ones who upset you have done to you and have caused some damages to you aren’t something you can do to others due to whatever the principals you follow, or simply for your characteristics you believe you have.

That said the reason why we get upset is because we believe in our limits. We have these limits because we are educated. It is like, you don’t do certain things but the one who upsets you do. If you are deceived, you get angry with the ones who had deceived you. You are usually not just upset about the loss, but about the fact that they crossed the line even though you haven’t or nobody has, penetrated your rules in the entire world. You are angry because they are bad and poorly behaving, and it is them who deserve punishment. You think you are superior to them deserving better than them, and probably you do, but you are upset being taken your properties in such a nasty way. When you try to forgive, you believe that you are better and greater than being angry so you forgive.

Beautiful. The problem is though, the above typical forgiving process wouldn’t get you anything in the real world and can leave a room for the same things to happen. You won’t like that.

<Steps To Follow>

To forgive something, it is beneficial to know that it perhaps was a trial for you to learn about ways ahead of you and you should be able to tackle the same situation better so that none of the elements in your situation would cause the same damage. If you forgive the bad ones and let them do the same things to you, you wouldn’t be happy.

1. Know Your Enemy: First step is to honestly identify their strength and know that they won something from you. Don’t hesitate to feel ashamed and be smashed down by the recognition of it, because we will clear them out later on anyway. The embarrassing feeling is going to fade away. Know that they did steal something from you, and you lost.

2. Recover From The Negative Emotions: There is nothing you should be ashamed of yourself for being beaten by the bad ones because you can be the bad ones if you want at any time anyways, but you don’t because you are smarter than that, secondly, it might be your subconscious causing it in your life because you are very cautious and would like to prepare for any risky situations head of you. By pre-experience such incidents, you can avoid getting trapped in the worse situations. You might not like the tactics but it has been an ordinary way to look ahead of your challenge for a long time in the history of human beings so no wonder you had that in your genes. Such tendency can be avoided by consciously preparing for any situations until you are satisfied or to align yourself fully with your behaviors all the time. At last, it is your life that is the most precious. If you feel shameful about certain stuff and events you have done, you should be nice enough for yourself to find the alternative ways to look at your life to understand the good reasons why you did that. This will lead you to boost up your self-trust.

3. Identify The Gap From Your Ideal: After you feel better, next step is to admit their strength. Are you ambitious enough to outweigh such parties threatening you? It is a challenge from your subconscious to you. What are the things they have and you don’t? What do you envy about them? What do you wish to have among all they have and you don't? Which parts of them would you like to merge into yourself if you can? What do you like about them? This will aid your deeply separated mind from the daily social, educational, professional communications that always subconsciously tell you that you are exactly like the persona built within the relationships with the other parts of the world not just you yourself who is just perfect as you are. For example, you are from a civilized world and have always spent time educating other people. You want to be a disruptor, but you force yourself to follow someone else because of that persona you get from your social role. You feel ashamed of yourself doing something that does not fit the role, and the reputations and compliments from others in relate to it maintains your pride. Your mind, especially your heart should be fundamentally free from those limits.

4. Have A Vision: Next step is the fun part. Imagine the ideal you tackling the same situation. Be completely free from what you feel about yourself now, and be open to your inner children dreaming about your desired reality. Nobody is watching you or eavesdropping you if you do this process alone. Be super free from any social pressures and constraints, and let your inner angels draw the maximum of who you could have been.

5. Build A Strategy: To strengthen the resistance to the similar situations, consider speaking to other people and taking counseling. Take it as an opportunity to widen your capacity. Depending on the case, this might be a hard part. But after this learning and acquiring of the technics and strategies to handle the similar situations, your life will be improved to the level where you know for sure that what they took was much less than what you could take from the other people and that it is so trivial anyway. By feeling so, you are taking back the power from the events and plugging out your emotional attachment to them.

6. Let Go: The learning is over. Now it is the time to forgive. If you can, try to visualize the reality after you forgive that person. Visualize anything above what you love to outweigh that experience and fulfill you with happiness. That’s where you should be.

7. Fill In With Love: Finally forgive. Feel the events from the third persons point of view. If you feel it beyond you, let it shrink and sink down to your feet. Look up and feel your faith lighting away the damages it has caused.

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